Facebook’s “On This Day” button is one I click on every single day. My husband said he wanted out of the marriage on March 11, and every day so far, I’ve been checking, wondering how I broke my silence. There’s a lot my mind protects me from in forgetfulness. I had a community that wouldn’t get involved and suggested I keep quiet about our separation. I felt this burden of shame because he wanted to quit. I wanted to move forward and he was so stubbornly stuck on the past and I had no way of going back to repair damages. So I wrote a poem and left it on my Facebook wall. I didn’t give it a title. Some emotions are too raw to be tamed with a name. Then I forgot about it until today.
I willed her survival as I tried to pull her along.
Feet stalled and failed until I saw she was lost in her prison of despair.
The door swung open on failing hinges and she shut her eyes.
How she couldn’t hear the grinding and reigning rust is beyond me.
She held the bars that gave blisters when I offered honeyed balm.
She died this night and my body swayed and rocked with dried tears and tired sobs.
He came and watched me pull her.
His hands were tied in before.
She left with all my insides.
Her gift was too much pain.
My dear so sweet you thrilled me and I must learn to live once more.