I can’t complain about my Easter away from my kids. I was with family. There was lots of laughter and joy. Maybe a little Jim Beam Apple Whiskey, straight up. Very little. Like a taste, but not enough to call it a shot, and I gave my Mom’s orange tree a taste too, because it looked thirsty. I’m so not a drinker but there are enough in my family that my weak contributions are made up for.
My brother had an idea for my cover up tattoo. I haven’t nailed down ideas yet for covering up the ex’s name. He offered a mock up with a sharpie. It was somewhere along the lines of a craigslist ad. I declined his offer. All of us laughed for a little too long over that, and it was a moment of my family joining in on what they’ve spent a year respectfully giving space to. My nephews and even my baby brother suggested different dating sites and apps. They want to see me move on and they believe in my ability to find happiness. They saw what years with the ex meant for me, and they want better. I have no idea what better looks like, but they believe he’s out there for me. They encouraged me to jump in and go after what I want. They made me laugh and they made me smile and these days my smiles come so much easier than they used to. I wanted to laugh and smile and I was happy to take their suggestions. I needed that push. It was a good push.
I came home for long enough to get a few things done, then I drove to the beach. There’s something about the ocean that makes me happy. I walked along Will Rogers for long enough to be slightly creeped out at being completely alone except for the few men going through the trash cans with flashlights. I was approached with a friendly request for a joint. I haven’t touched one in decades. I decided a more populated beach might be a wise decision and drove to Santa Monica. I walked along the sand for a while, then decided to walk the pier and see if fish were biting for the anglers up there. I was surprised by a text, and ended up flirting shamelessly for a while before heading home.
I’ve decided the moment my husband changed into my ex, was when I was ready to consider a next. The men in my family encouraged me enough to take a chance and the reward on my gamble was huge. There’s been laughter tonight. Lots of laughter and silly giggles. There is so much healing in silly giggles and belly laughs. The flirting was completely one sided. It was entirely on my side, with spaced out polite responses from the other side. The huge take away was that I loved the way flirting made me feel. Even a polite lack of interest is something to celebrate.