Love Attachments

I’m not immune. I crave attention and desire earth shattering love.  I want to be that first good morning text and the fading memory before sleep steals conscious thoughts.  I want my walk to be the poetry that brightens someone’s day and I want my smile to create one where it didn’t exist before.  I want to be included in outings and tomorrows and be the sure thing in a future of uncertainty because choosing me would be intentional each day as life flows into endless possibilities. I want to share in the pleasures of a physical relationship as much as the next girl, and I want to see how completely I can control someone else’s arousal.  (Kid meet candy store.) I want words.  Long love letters . . .  Epic poetry . . .  Even unexpected post it notes would make me happy.  Yes, I am that girl.  Stick out that pinky so I can curl up around it. I’m travel size.  Take me with you.

The thing about this girl is I want meaningful.  I’m big on fantasy and day dream, but I never step away from reality.  I used to fall for quick professions of undying love but I can see that as a fantasy world and the history of my love life has broken that fourth wall.  You can’t suspend my disbelief.  I want a relationship that starts slowly enough by mutual consent that one of us isn’t being taken hostage by one person’s fantasies and desires.  My needs are met and my wants are held in check because I can do that.  It’s a superpower.  I’m not saying I love you should wait for “x” amount of days.  It should wait until you can genuinely say you love this person more than your favorite food or shoes.  If you would sacrifice your comfy jeans for them, then tell them you love them.  Life is too short to hold that in check.

I met a man online about 3 days ago.  His love note was full of unhealthy attachment and I’m not interested.  I’m actually a bit frightened.

“I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life like I am of us.”

I couldn’t even tell you what I wore or ate yesterday. I’m not certain about much at all.

“You make my life complete.”

I make my life complete.  I’m not looking for filler or pillow fluff.  I just want company with kissable lips.

“Today I promise you that I would do anything in my power to make you a great person, outstanding woman and loving wife.”

Spectacular.  Except, you must not see that I’m already a great person, and outstanding woman and truthfully I’m still someone else’s wife and looking for a side piece to be my main attraction.

Honestly I could see this email being the answer that many people seek.  Just not me.  Either he was copying and pasting this email to as many as he could reach in an elaborate catfishing scheme, or he really is disturbed and imagining I said some of the delusional things he wrote.  It started to feel like a catfish situation on day 1.5. He’s out. 

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