I had a conversation once where a man compared love and money as addictions. He seemed to love and hate both and wanted to know my perspective.
I actually see this a lot when dating. It’s when I really tease out what is important to a person. Having gotten through not having anything when my husband abandoned me, I’ve learned to appreciate simple things like sunsets. I’ve also learned to take care of my own material wants. I treat myself very well. When dating, I can sense when a person’s self valuation only relies on material things. This doesn’t usually lead to a second date.
I am more than what I possess and without owning who I am, I would own nothing.
Money can be an addiction. He said this. I can see it, but I have a hard time feeling it. I can always explore the concept though. My Target and Sears wardrobe sensibilities can use the stretch and imagine more, right? I love my Mom style even if my niece thinks I dress like an old woman. (Yes, it’s okay to laugh with me.) It really is a stretch though. My wedding, rings and honeymoon were all under $500 and I was happy with it. I don’t buy designer clothes, but I love those days when my sisters clean out their closets. I’m just not that person. I love beach days and museum trips. Dreaming big has always been a budget to hire someone else to clean up after my family and maybe weekend trips here and there. Otherwise, I’m happy to find serenity in my surroundings and wonder in a sunset. I don’t see myself as materialistic.
If I were to give into my every whim, I’m sure Pandora would see me more often and I’ve have several charm bracelets and so would Victoria’s Secret. Fresh flowers would probably be a weekly thing instead of moments when I walk past a bouquet that sings to me.
I imagined a life of immense wealth. I imagined the responsibility to my family and extended family. I saw questioning every relationship for the motives behind it. I didn’t want that. There’s a cost to that life and I’m not sure I would want that responsibility.
Even before I had to figure out survival and starting a career, I decided I didn’t want to live to make money. I wanted my work to be something that flowed but never controlled my choices. But I get it.
There are more things to do and experience and it often requires cash. It can mean status and opportunity. No matter how hard you work or how carefully you save, you can always be content in having more. Okay. I lied. I can’t imagine being that person that works hard all day every day without the space to enjoy a bit of respite in the warmth of the fading sun on bare skin.
Love is an intense emotion. I’m a firm believer that we make a choice to love or not love, and the feelings follow. We make a choice to let someone in and to find the ways we are similar and how we can relate to them. We look at who they are and how their paths fit with the ones we’ve walked in life.
There’s a free fall. There’s a moment when the emotion is too strong to fight and we fall freely, hoping that there is someone rising to meet us. We love the feeling and can’t get enough. We want to be surrounded by love and covered in it’s warmth, seduced by it’s smell.
It’s an addiction. He said it. I agree. We will do what it takes to have the love we need. We sacrifice our time and dreams and alter our goals. We give and shift what we don’t have to make it work. We make love into our god and when this deity removes her favor, we are lost in the abyss of all we expected, showing us how far from the earth we’ve floated and the crash that is coming can be delayed but is inevitable.
Is it really an addiction, or is it just part of living and being human. Human touch is necessary for survival. Horrible science experiments have been done on infants regarding touch. Money is needed to secure food and shelter. Is it an addiction if it’s a basic need? Then again, maybe I’m spoiled to have lived and loved, and been provided for and sheltered in ways I didn’t expect.
Then again, what is an addiction but something we need so much that we would choose it over our wellbeing, survival and lesser relationships? I’ve done silly things for love. I can own up to being addicted to it, but in growth I’m learning that I am not deserving but worthy of love that is stronger than I am. And I’m damn strong.
At the end of the day, are your things taking care of you, or are you working hard to have more things that dissatisfy you?