This facebook live was done during the short 12 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with the twins I miscarried in April. I was having a conversation about my surrogate pregnancies because I was talking with a health care provider about all of my pregnancies as part of my medical history being taken.
The last surrogacy one was a set of twin girls that were delivered at 29 weeks after a month-long hospitalization and a week upside down in the Trendelenburg position. As I was explaining my history I was facing my fears of being a single mom with twins. The last pregnancy was unplanned with my current boyfriend that I had only been seeing for 6 weeks when we got pregnant. Telling her about it all, I was smiling and laughing because my reaction to what life delivers is the only thing in life I can control. We can’t control what happens to our bodies.
Funny thing, you can’t even control your body. I didn’t plan the pregnancy and I remembered how much I wanted to get pregnant with my ex before we had Kid3. There was a 9 month stretch of trying before Kid1. I wanted them. Then I didn’t want to get pregnant, but was very much acting like an irresponsible teen (says my 15-year-old) when I got pregnant with twins of my own. While I couldn’t control what my body was doing, I could control my reaction.
When you have an upset stomach, you can’t control your body. Whether you have diarrhea or need to vomit, your body will force whatever is inside of it, out as quickly as possible. You can’t time these things.
The next time you have a bender and get so drunk you vomit, you will experience this lack of control. I remember one night with a bottle of beer and Corralejo tequila in a glass. I thought I could handle it if I sipped slowly. That night it all came up. No matter how determined I was to drink it and sit up with the bartender sharing a drink with me, I couldn’t keep it in me. What you intentionally put inside of you is forced out by your body. You have no control.
But you can control your reaction.
Sometimes a situation has to take its course but you get to decide if you want to be happy about it or sad. You decide if you want to let it stop you or empower you to move forward. You decide what you give power to.
You are not what happened to you. You are not what you’ve done. You are not a failed relationship. You are not a job that fell through. You are not an irresponsible choice you’ve made.
You can decide how you look at your past and your life. It’s a choice. You can let it hold you down or you can let it empower you.