I’m not an avid golfer. I've played one and a half games since I started this summer. One was a 9 hole game. The second was an 18 hole twilight game, and the sun setting put a kibosh on the day. I prefer driving ranges anyway. This is a big deal from the woman that has gotten on the ground during mini-golf and held her putter like a pool cue because this was easier than putting on an obstacle course. After my first time at a range, I spent 3 days convincing my Dad to give me his clubs. It’s a very sensory experience, if you’re paying attention. The ability to be present in the action of playing is the only way to effectively hit a ball. Golf facilitates being grounded, present and releasing anxiety.

There are many reasons to take up golf. From what I understand, this is where business happens (if not over cigars and scotch or whiskey). Golf courses are some of the most beautiful places to stand and breathe. There are water features, grass, and often wildlife. Also, it’s a sport that my Fitbit tells me is great exercise.

Sensory Sounds

There are times I like to just listen. This is rarely when someone is talking to me. When I place my basket on the hook at the ball machine, I like to just listen to the machine. The balls rattle and bang internally and spit in rapid succession into the plastic basket. It’s a loud cacophony and for me it’s about building excitement for what’s coming. It sounds chaotic but I like to watch them end up neatly in the basket, bouncing but landing quickly.

It’s the same when I pour half of my large basket into the plastic tray that sits just to the right of the mat (I’m a righty). It’s chaos and it’s not. They land neatly but loudly.

There’s a sound tied to the action of a swing. I start at the ball and slowly but intentionally swing back from it. It’s slowly swinging back and accelerating toward the ball. When I hit that sweet spot, there’s the whistle of wind from my wood or iron. I can hear the swoosh of air as I’m accelerating back toward my ball. There’s so much beauty in the sound of hitting a ball. There’s a soft pop. That pop is a perfect hit, and with the right club, my ball lifts up before soaring far. I love the loft from a 9 iron, but I prefer the distance with my 6. There’s a slight difference in the sound from each club. The sounds feel calming. They tell me I’m about to get the result I want and expect.

Movement

Your golf swing is a full body exercise. You’re working on your gross motor skills. It’s about remembering the triangle that pivots from your shoulders, through your arms, meeting at your hands, linked together. It’s swinging back but following all the way through on your swing to get the most distance. It’s a graceful dance when you balance on one foot, only to shift onto the other, with a switch of pliant knees. You twist your body and awaken muscles you wouldn’t ordinarily use.

Alternative to Meditation

I am terrible about meditating. I have tried guided meditations but I usually doze off. I will try to focus on my breathing but I’m a woman, so most of my thoughts are much like open browser tabs. I have lots going and as soon as I close one thought, the next one pops up, ready to go, and exactly where I left off last time.

There’s something about hitting a ball that requires complete focus. It’s important to focus on the ball and precisely where you plan to strike the ball, and not look up before making contact. If you aren’t focused, you’ll swing your club head well above your ball, or hit the top/bottom of the ball, and you won’t get results. You want to focus only on the ball. This is how you make contact. This is the only way.

Release

I love how practical this is in terms of stress relief. Whatever is on my mind has to make an exit because there’s a ball in front of me that I want to watch fly. After a stressful day, a basket of balls often puts me in a fantastic mood. Whatever list, frustration, moment or goal that has been on my mind is suddenly gone. It feels amazing to release it all.

Then there’s the physical release. It’s so easy to grip your clubs tightly, but this is not how to get your ball to go far. When my hands are relaxed and barely gripping my clubs is when I get the most distance. It’s not about power but about finesse. It’s about gently holding your clubs, focusing on what you are doing in that moment, and releasing the outcome. So much of this is a metaphor for life.

Atmosphere

I can’t tell you much about being on a course. When scores matter, and competitions are heated, the stakes are raised and tensions increase. What I’m talking about is being on the range.

I love how calm it is. I might get a few raised brows from men that aren’t ready to invite me to their club, but something that trivial has never bothered me before (you should see me sitting alone in a cigar lounge).

There’s a relaxed feel on the top deck, which is where I usually prefer to go. There are people working on their swings, and happy to share pointers. These pointers will invariably contradict each other based on who shared their knowledge in the first place. On the bottom, you’ll find those working on getting more distance with their wood. They hire coaches to train them in the best way to swing their clubs, and carry their bodies. They work on the mechanics of foot placement, where to hold your weight and how your hands hold your shaft.

I think my favorite part is standing still and watching several balls launch at once. They fly like determined little birds, soaring with the hope of a straight line and reaching distance.

The naughty shenanigans of it all.

When online dating, it makes sense to talk about activities that you can share. I mention golf and more than once it has become a metaphor for sex play. Boys will talk about the shaft of their wood. They’ll talk about how you handle the balls. They’ll compare the size of their iron with their own body and think it matters when you go from a 6 iron to an 8, forgetting it’s not the club number that matters as much as knowing where each of your clubs will take your ball. It’s all about knowing where you’re going, because you ultimately want to aim for the little hole. These conversations always make me giggle. And laughter is the best form of stress relief.