Adventures in dating have taken me all over the male landscape. Some of it has been an amazing happy trail of wonder. Some of it has been devastatingly disappointing. What I’m learning is there is a whole lot of good I’ve been neglecting in Single Dads.

At first I was really into the idea of meeting another parent, but I couldn’t find a Single Dad with my exact custody schedule. They had opposite days from me, so one of us would always have to take our kids on dates. They also had full custody and wanted to sneak in a little fun after their children went to bed. Meeting a few men with grown children has given me so much to think about.

There are Single Dads, and there are Single Fathers. The distinction is a fine line. I’m referring to the ones that are both Mom and Dad because they are on their own, even if just for a portion of the time. (Why would I suggest you date someone with a partner?) I don’t mean the ones that are rarely around but send money. I especially don’t mean the ones that donated sperm or don’t care that their kids have food and shelter.

Why should I date thee? Oh let me count the ways. . .

Girl Dads are in a special class.

If you’re lucky enough to meet a Girl Dad, he’s going to treat you based on how he wants his little girl treated. He will be more feminist than misogynist. He’s going to want you to be strong and independent. He’ll be happy about stepping in as protector.

They are natural protectors.

They have spent enough sleepless nights imagining all of the terrors in the world. They’ll ask you to text them when you get home late at night because they want to know you got home safely. Protecting you is an extension of their protection over their kids and it’s a sweet feeling.

They understand unconditional love.

The love they have for their littles is bigger than anything they have ever known and this love has taught them how greatly they are capable of loving. They understand giving for the sake of making their child happy, even if their child can’t give anything beyond a smile and laughter in return.

They are capable of feeding you.

Feeding kids can be a challenge. Some are picky. Some have allergies. A Single Dad will learn how to cook for his children. He’ll learn he should feed them on a schedule, even if he’s not feeling hungry. He learns to put hunger outside of himself. He’ll cook, or order, or pick up what needs to be picked up and he’ll understand that a girl might be hungry after a long day at work.

They are generous lovers.

I’ve never met a Single Dad that didn’t try to make it work with his baby’s mother. After the first glow of romance wore off, he was looking for ways to make it work and the first thing he tried was to please her sexually. He learned how to please her and he can work those special skills on you. It’s possible to date a grown man that has no idea what he’s doing with a woman’s body. I haven’t experienced that with Single Dads.

They are responsible and willing to take responsibility.

They don’t fear ownership of what they did or can do in life. They saddle up and ride like it’s all they want to do. They come with an admirable level of maturity, stability and mental strength.

They are caregivers.

They have stayed up all night with sick children, hoping to break a fever. They have sat next to a child afraid of the dark until their presence brought the peace that eased those fears into slumber. They would be willing to hold your hair back if you’re sick. They would walk you to bed to make sure you’re not stumbling and they’ll make sure you’re comfortable when you fall asleep.

They won’t rush you.

As a single parent, you aren’t just finding the love of your life. It’s the love of your life that will be good to your children. It’s someone that is going to fit into your family and help you in the many ways you didn’t know you needed to be supported. They will be cautious and wary. They’ll not only make sure you are right for them, but that you are right for their children. This means going slow, being certain and finding joy in the moment to moment that we all know might end at any given time. It goes slow but it also means it goes deep. If we let you in, it’s going to be something real.

The things you worry about won’t be that big a deal to the single dad.

That messy house? He knows what teenagers can be like. That angry ex? He’ll give you a bit of perspective and you’ll feel compassion you didn’t know you had room to feel. The soft body that you feel self conscious about? He’ll refer to your marshmallow fluff thighs as sexy and he’ll want to nibble on them as often as you’ll let him. He’ll crave your softness.

He’ll help you save money.

The days of lavish dinners and bottle service don’t seem as important as soccer uniforms and orthodontia. He’s not spending money on frivolity so you won’t feel the need to make your wardrobe catch up with fashion trends. He’ll make you want to save more and build a stronger future.

Patience

He has learned patience and persistence. He appreciates that he can tell you something once and you will remember it.

No drama

He has room for his kids and a lady that will make his situation better. He won’t give you a hard time with jealousy and insecurity. You are easily not as permanent as his kids are and he can let you go as freely as you prove you want to go.

He’s flexible.

As a single parent, there have been many times when my adult play dates turned into times when I needed to pick my kids up. Plans shifted. I was no longer free. The Single Dad gets this. He is going to understand that plans need to change and he’s going to have these days too.

He’ll want a real relationship or he won’t, but he won’t leave you in the dark about it.

There were those that wanted a night of fun, and those that wanted to know if our connection was real. They wanted to know how best to love me. They read books on love languages and they want to know that building with you will be stable.

You can’t gross him out.

He has seen poopy diapers and projectile vomit. He’s not afraid of bodily fluids. A little blood or a bit of drool isn’t a big deal. He’s seen worse.

You will still have lots of time to be independent.

My favorite part of dating a Single Dad is how independent we still are. He has his things going on. I have mine. We meet in the middle when we have time to. When we do connect, it’s intentional. He’s focused on his goals and encourages me to be focused on mine.