This post started as a Facebook post in the midst of my personal storm. The last couple of weeks has been rough. It feels like I don’t have enough time or the emotional bandwidth to focus on my goals. I have a book to write, books to read, an audiobook to record, and a website to maintain. I want to do it all and be pretty while doing it.

I was hit with a series of, breadcrumbing texts from every single guy that I stopped talking to since May. “How are you doing?” “What are you doing tonight?” One of them lost my interest when he didn’t check the first picture he sent, and ended up sending a second one of an entirely different person. Another one very nearly convinced me to go out for drinks before he sent a dick pic. Dating was supposed to feel like I had attention from someone inspired by my conversation and driven by a desire to feed me. Instead it’s a vocabulary lesson. Not the point of this post, but riveting reading if you aren’t emotionally involved.

It’s not always possible to fake it until you make it. Going through the motions can feel like you’re failing. This only feeds imposter syndrome. I needed to shift my mood, and wanted to share 5 things that help me with my mood.

1. What’s your contribution?
The space that inspired this post wasn’t about contribution. I was in a terrible mood. I was angry, hurt and wanting to hurt others. I started mentally renaming people after body parts and things you wouldn’t discuss in polite company. At any other time, the way I get through life is to focus on helping. I feel best when giving. If I’m not actively giving, I’m taking. Energy is always an exchange. It never just sits. If I’m taking, it’s because I feel empty and need to fill a void. Sometimes I fill it with selfies, or cigars. Sometimes it’s a bit of alcohol but usually it’s a bit of retail therapy. If I’m honest with myself, I know that what I’m experiencing is an inside job. Nothing outside of me will make me feel better. I have to feel like I’m intentional about giving and sharing.

2. Allow flow.
Release what you can’t control. Allow life to flow around you. This is all semantics. I can’t control what’s happening, so by allowing it, I’m giving permission for life to do what it will. Really, life is doing whatever it’s going to do. It has nothing to do with me. There’s something powerful about deciding you don’t need to control a situation as long as you control your reaction to it.

3. Trust the process and watch it unfold.
How you do anything in life translates to how you do everything. That same pain avoidance that you learned as a child will continue to speak to your choices as an adult. If you want change in your life, learn to act differently. This all begins with looking at the things you do and why you do them. It’s about taking stock with each choice you make to see what is behind it. What are you afraid of? If it’s a fear that you first experienced as a child, is it still valid?What are you avoiding? Is it something that reminds you too much of that time you were hurt? When you go through life, not watching for answers but thinking about the steps, you’ll always find answers to questions you might not have asked. It’s unpacking your history so you can understand what makes you who you are.

4. You can’t boss up and bitch out at the same time, and no one’s going to pay you to be a pussy.
This is an actual line from my book. Choose who you will be in this moment. Will you GROW through it, or NO through it. In the end, you’re responsible for that choice. Courage only comes through pain. Bravery only comes through fear. You can’t lean in and shirk backward at the same time.

5. It might be a setback, but you get to pivot it into a launchpad.
I assure you, you’ve probably experienced worse. What you are living through is likely temporary. It’ll get better or it will get worse. Experience the moment for the transient space it holds. Plan out your next steps and use the momentum to your advantage. Every big thing in life happens as the shift builds momentum. It’s not a rut even if you feel stuck. Just keep moving whether it’s mentally, physically, and emotionally.

It’s so easy to feel beat up by your emotions. Shifting takes work, and it’s not always easy. It’s certainly worth it and definitely possible. If you feel like you need more than a few tips, ask someone you trust. Ask your doctor. And never stop asking.