Guest Post By Sara Bailey of thewidow.net

Dealing with grief is complicated and painful enough. When you are dealing with grief for a loved one who is terminally ill, the emotions can be even more confusing. Amidst all the pain, you may also need to take care of end-of-life planning and arrangements that are also emotionally-charged. So, how can you cope with so many mixed emotions, and still ensure a peaceful and comfortable experience for your loved one? You can begin by following these compassionate steps for processing your grief, and ultimately, the loss of your loved one.          

Plan a Comfortable Passing for Your Loved One

When faced with the end of life, the trivial things that once mattered so much tend to fade away. You’re left knowing that the only thing that matters in the end is the peace and comfort of your dear loved one. As HomeAdvisor explains, “After all, that’s what it’s all about: caring for your loved one and treating him or her as you would want to be treated. As long as we show kindness and compassion to our loved ones throughout the process, they will be able to say goodbye with the dignity they deserve.”

This means making room for any care or equipment needed to provide palliative care during those final moments, but it also means surrounding your loved one with the things that make them happy. Integrated care along with articles of comfort will help alleviate any suffering, and ensure a more peaceful experience for you and your loved one.

Make the Most of Your Remaining Moments Together

If your loved one is terminally ill, having an end-of-life plan is important, but it’s also helpful to know what to expect from the process. You’re going to want to spend more time with your loved one, but do not be surprised if he or she seems to swing from one emotion to the next with each passing moment. Your loved one may be experiencing physical pain as well as dealing with emotional regret, and it’s important to allow your loved one to express those feelings, no matter how hard they are to process.

It may be beneficial for you both to talk about unresolved issues between the two of you, but try to control your emotions during these conversations. Feelings of regret can make the grieving process more difficult, and you do not want anger to enhance those feelings for you. Do what you can to make this time more meaningful for your loved one and your family, and know that is all you can really do. All that really matters is your love, support and time.

Discuss Important Matters Sooner Rather than Later

Talking about death is never very comfortable, even with a terminally-ill family member. Avoiding the important discussions you need to have before your loved one passes, however, will only make life afterward more difficult for you and your family. That’s why it is imperative to open the channel for those tough conversations as soon as possible after a terminal diagnosis. If you wait, your loved one may not be able to coherently help you make those important end-of-life plans, and you may feel more regret over not asking sooner.

This is also a good time to discuss any advance medical directives as well as any legal or financial authority you may need to ensure those last wishes are carried out. Various types of power of attorney documents are needed for family members to have control over a loved one’s care and finances, and these can take time to process correctly. It’s also important to pre-plan funeral arrangements so you will know how your loved one wants to be remembered.

Facing the death of a loved one with dignity and compassion is one of the best ways to begin processing your grief. If you set a plan to make your goodbye as peaceful as possible, you can help heal some of your pain. Grief, no matter whether it’s expected or not, can only truly be healed by time, so allow yourself to feel those emotions as your process your loss. Be there for your loved one, but also be there for yourself.

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